One Step Closer to Becoming Catholic

If there were ever a thing to make me quit and lose my faith in Jesus, it would be the fractured nature of His Church. It really bugs me how many denominations there are and how much bickering and separation has and is occurring within the body of believers. Jesus told us that the way people would know him is through our love for one another. Paul told us to give up our selfishness to preserve the unity of the body.

My experience with the Church began in a nondenominational strongly evangelical church. I remember having conversations about whether Catholics were really Christians. Early on I figured they were because they held basically the same views as me on who Jesus was and what he did. I also looked down upon the rigidity of their services, not letting "Christians" take communion, praying to saints, a works based faith, and their views of Mary. In my evangelical community I loved the freedom to dress however I wanted, the freedom to express myself during worship, and the creativity of praying my own prayers.

As I deepened my faith in college I began to explore liturgy and formed prayer. There was a beauty and deepness that I had never experienced before. I was naive and ignorant to such things. Prayers prayed hundreds of years ago verbalized my angst, my pain, and my joy. I grew and flourished with this liturgical "stiffness" as I once perceived it. During this time I was also seeing the value of works. Works were becoming an out pouring of the transformation my heart, mind, and soul was going through. I could tell I was in spiritual decline when I wasn't doing good works because I didn't want to. By my senior year I was regularly attending an Episcopal Church and seeking ways to live a life of service after college.

Now that I'm in Omaha and living in the PAC House, I feel I'm accomplishing that goal of living a life of service and selflessness. I couldn't (maybe wouldn't) find a church in Omaha that would satisfy my desires for community, teaching, and leadership. With a group of men I consider great men of faith, I helped start a church called Simple Free. Our service is steeped in the liturgy of the Episcopalian tradition and mixes the freedom, creativity, and lively community of most Evangelical movements through Bible study and confessional accountability.

Very recently, (so not very thought out yet) I've begun a study of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. If you haven't heard or read about this please check out Christopher West's book Theology of the Body for Beginners. This refreshing way to think about our bodies, marriage, and sex has me questioning my objections to the Catholic views of Mary. See, without Mary the Theology of the Body loses its consistency. Mary essentially completes the Theology of the Body for women. The image of Man (Christ) and Woman (Mary) are exemplified in Jesus's final words to Mary on the cross.

And so I've taken one step closer to becoming Catholic.

More on why I'll never* become Catholic in later posts.

Sex, Marriage, and Singleness

Is it ok to be single? Lately, I've been getting messages, images, and stories that are very mixed. Over my spring break I saw many friends who are happily married, but I would characterize as (trying to word this so it doesn't have such a negative spin) stuck or permanently upset priorities. What I mean by this is that wives or husbands and child have taken a position above the Holy Father, Son, and Spirit (which they should as their vocations as husbands or wives). These friends now have to think about being safe and protecting their family. They can't just go sleep with the homeless (at least not without permission), can't just give money away, can't just move to Africa to serve the poor, etc. Maybe it's selfishness, but I don't think I ever want to be impeded (maybe not the right word) from pursuing Christ.

Can married people still pursue Christ whole heartedly? I definitely think so. Pope John Paul II argues that marriage is the closest picture to understanding the Holy Trinity and points us to our future marriage as the Church with Jesus Christ. Participation in marriage gives people a glimpse of the future glory. In this sense, I totally want to be married and experience the sacrifice of giving up my self as Jesus did for the Church.

The pressure and culture of Christianity that I experience is basically telling me that there is something wrong if I'm not married or pursuing marriage. I hear that singleness is for nuns, monks, and Catholic priests. In this culture, marriage's main purpose seems to be for release of repressed sexual tension.

I was really encouraged when I heard that this isn't the way God intended man and marriage to be. We all do pursue marriage. In the end we're pursuing our marriage with Christ. As Paul said in reference to who should marry, "Each man has his own gift from God" (1 Cor. 7:7). If our giftings are to be excellent husbands and fathers or wives and mothers, then pursue marriage as one day you will marry Christ. If you are able to with stand the solitude of singleness, then pursue purity so that one day you'll be pure when Christ takes his bride. In the end, our desire is for Christ and not of this world.

With this in mind and trying to stay consistent with this train of thought, the Holy Trinity truly is represented by the sexual union between a man and a women as in this moment a third is created, the child. The three together for a family. Therefore, as far as earthly marriage goes, with the ponderings of the Trinity in mind, I think it can only occur between a man and a woman because only these two different genders can create a child and thus realize the full image of the glory of God. This is not a statement of condemnation toward the homosexuals, but rather an encouragement to pursue the final and lasting marriage with Christ as all sexuals (hetero-, a-, bi-,etc.) eventually will.

Evangelism and Social Justice part deux

It's been near a year and a half since I blogged about a perceived imbalance between the way Christians view evangelism and social justice. My conclusion was to search for a middle ground, but instead I've realized that I have done nothing at all. I let my indecision lead me to laziness and voluntary ignorance. Recently, I was reminded of the struggle by someone who was clearly going through the struggle himself.

A man came and spoke at Simple Free (the church I go to) two weeks ago. He runs a ministry where he does acts of service for anyone who needs it in the neighborhood. He gets calls, emails, and visits from all sorts of people and he or another neighbor fulfills these requests. He has found that in all his love and service that people are not changing. They stay selfless, or lazy, or apathetic. So this year he has decided to focus his prayers and hopes toward life change, toward the redemption of man as he redeems their homes, yards, or other projects.

I think this man is onto something. He is praying, serving, and preaching the gospel to his neighbors. Serving is great because it helps people, it lets them know you love them, it redeems the world, and it points to a greater love. Preaching the gospel is great because it announces the authority of Christ, allows people to hear with their ears beautiful truth and wrestle with God. Serving can be very easy because I don't have to extend myself or worry about offending my neighbor. I never have to vocalize or acknowledge my reasons for why I do what I do. Preaching the gospel seems to me to be very difficult as it requires one to be vulnerable and to possibly offended the listener. The timing for when to explain or share the gospel is very tricky for me. The very beginning of a relationship I feel I need to establish a connection so that I don't come off as one of those crazy fanatical Christians and so that the person can know that I care. As time passes with the relationship building it becomes extremely awkward to bring Christ into a relationship or friendship that was built upon something completely different.

So my plan is to fail and by fail I mean try things out. I've got to get out of the mindset that there is a formula or a special solve-all mix of things to do. People aren't math equations or robots. Sure, somethings might be more effective most of the time but it won't work for all people. So, I will continue to serve but I'm just going to start to talk about Jesus more. I've learned so much about Jesus and to not share would be criminal. I've gotten to know Jesus in a relational way. Jesus is my homeboy. So, I'm set to offend, and be awkward, and share laughter, and share tears, and fail, and win. Hopefully, in this pruning process I can help redeem the world and the people who fill it.

Tent Making

The other night I was sharing a lovely evening with some dear friends. We had finished a terrific meal and were sitting around munching on some fruit and having conversation. A truly great evening until my mouth opened. I made a flippant comment about pastors not taking from their communities and having other jobs and boiled this down to all missionaries. An over exaggeration that deeply insulted at least three of the five others sitting in the room. Intensity hit the roof. I felt cornered and I continued to dig myself into a deeper and deeper hole. I'm not good with instant reflection and implications. Questions flew my direction and I bullshitted some answers that fit into my few statements that I made. Of course I couldn't turn back on my words but had to rationalize them which I think hurt even more people. So, I'm going to blog about my comments so that I can process some thoughts and maybe open discussion and mend some friendships.

Let's start with what I said and where I got this preposterous notion. I made a comment that pastors should be making their money through a job and not from their flock. In essence I was also saying that missionaries should be working in their communities instead of being supported by their "home" communities. This idea is called tent-making, named after apostle Paul's ability to support himself through the making of tents. I think tent-making is a huge statement that challenges the current way we as Christians do things.

I was asked if I believed this because of western, capitalistic, rugged individualistic beliefs in America. I would be wrong to say no, which I did in the conversation. This is my cultural identity and I did grow up in it and thus it does shape my thought even though I may not recognize it. I personally do not support these fundamentals of America whole heartedly. I see how they have positives and negatives and since I live in this cultural, I sense the negatives more strongly and rebel against them.

Back to tent-making. I think the reason I love the idea so much is a mix of my past and an idea of cultural integration. I grew up in a family that struggled financially. My dad would work two jobs so that his kids could eat, be warm, and participate in community activities. My perspective was that if you needed something, you worked harder to get it. We didn't ask others for help because others around us were also struggling and it would be nearly embarrassing to be supported by another when we weren't doing all we could to support ourselves. In someways this can be viewed as capitalistic and individualistic which I would agree to some extent it is. But we had to work within our contexts. We also weren't doing work the kingdom of God. In fact, I remember strongly hating church's that asked for money. I wasn't a Christian and I saw the huge productions on Sundays, the well-fed preachers, and what seemed to be a waste of money. Even as a young teenager, I felt I could do more good than the church with my money. Money was a big deal for me because we had very little.

So, based on my past I see a problem of seeking support when I'm not doing all I can to support myself. I think the positives of tent-making for the pastor or missionary are awesome whether I adhere to my past or not. By supporting oneself, you get to work in the community in which you serve. The perceptions of holier than thou and spiritual class division will be more apt to disappear so that great relationships can built. Based on my experience working mindless, dirty jobs, there is something about getting your hands dirty with others. It builds a sense of community. So, I see tent-making as killing two birds with one stone. One you support yourself and you are connecting with the community with which you are immersed.

One of the negatives to tent-making that I perceive are that one can't be fully committed to whatever ministry that they are trying to serve in. By spending time to support one self, one is taking time away from their ministry. This argument is very capitalistic because time is a form of capital. To be most effective (whatever that means) we must spend all time possible to improve our ministry. I understand that time is important and some ministries can't function without full committedness. I would say that people involved in these ministries should seek support from others.

Another negative is that some cultures do not value the work that you are trying to accomplish. My thought with this is that if what you are doing is good then this culture should also think it is good. Western, imperialistic, whatever, I don't care, good is good and truth is truth. Be discerning. I think these people could be tent-makers so that they are rubbing elbows with the common folk who sway culture. I also think these people could raise support but must be in their communities advocating for their good work.

Another possible set back is that jobs aren't available or don't pay a living wage. Tent-making would not be possible but it might be beneficial to suffer with those who must live off such wages. These pastors and missionaries should also raise support.

In my flippantness, I generalized and said all should be tent-makers. Do I believe this? No. I know that all can not be tent-makers. I also feel that some are depending on others when they could be supporting themselves. Discernment and wisdom is needed when deciding whether to be a tent-maker or not. I also think I should stop worrying so much about money that isn't mine. God will provide wherever needs arise.

Begin the ripping.

What Others Think

About a month ago, one of my housemates asked me if I cared what others thought of me. I pondered for a little bit and thought, "No, of course I don't care what others think of me." But the question stayed with me for the past few weeks. Something would happen or I would do something and then realized that I cared what people were thinking at that moment. I've discovered this hidden truth about myself that I truly care how people perceive and think of me. I've been taught that this is not a good thing. I shouldn't really care what others think because in reality what I think is all that matters. They would say there is liberation in not caring because you don't have to be a slave to their thoughts.

So, I got really thinking. Is caring what others think a bad thing? I've come to the conclusion that it might not be so bad as we make it. Sure in extreme cases we could become clowns and slaves to the thoughts of others and become who we don't want to be. Who we don't want to be is the key here. As I analyzed myself, I realized I want others to think of me as kind, gentle, funny, thoughtful, loyal, and a devoted Christian. These are all good things. If I truly am these things or am on my way to such things and I want others to see these things in me, won't I pursue them with even more fervor? And in the negative sense if someone perceives me as unkind or a jack ass, I should consider their thoughts, realize my faults, and try to change myself. But as with all things this requires moderation and discernment.

In other ways I think what others think can be essential and healthy. I really care what my friends think. If I want to make a big decision I will consult them to make sure I'm not crazy. I hope and know that they'll be honest and give me solid judgments. Their input carries great value. So, I care what they think so that I can make good and right decisions because Lord knows if I was on my own, I'd be screwed.

So I think we should care what those who are closest think most and decrease as the relationship gets weaker but even the stranger we should care somewhat. I think scripture points out the importance of perception. Others will know Christ is truth by the way we interact with one another. I think this implies that others are judging our actions and they better be full of love. We are also told to make friends with our money. Again perception that we care for others and aren't selfish. We are told to consider others better than our selves. This one takes a little digging but by considering others better, the other will feel your servantness and respect.

In conclusion, I think we should care what others think as long as we want them to think the right things.

Subsidiarity and Serving the Poor

My next few blogs will be my reflections from the Acton University Conference held in Grand Rapids this past week. I recommend if you have the opportunity to go to this conference next year. Here is a link to Acton's website. http://www.acton.org/

Subsidiarity is a new term that I learned at Acton. It is based upon the idea that humanity and society is built upon and around institutions. Institutions include family, the Church, government, neighborhoods, etc. Subsidiarity says that decisions should be made at the lowest institutional level possible. For example, the government shouldn't regulate how to raise children because that is the families responsibility, but they should be the sphere of responsibility and authority over interstates, police, national defense, etc. When an authority oversteps their bounds, such as the government meddling with family decisions, then institutions become politicized, breakdown, and lose their proper role in humanity and society. For more on the definition on subsidiarity please check out the Wiki article.

Subsidiarity was originally a protestant idea that was taken over by the Catholics. Pope Leo XIII promoted subsidiarity as the medium and better solution to the excess of consumeristic capitalism and the state-as-god political system know as communism. The middle of the pendulum swing is one of the reasons I think I love subsidiarity. I see the excess and gluttony and greed produced from capitalism and I see the destructive nature of socialism in regards to the family, religion, and God given freedom.

So, I turn to the practical side of subsidiarity and serving the poor. First let me say that I think this alleviates the guilt of being American and seeing such poverty by providing a course of action. It is an alternative to just throwing money at the problem or getting rid of all wealth, joining the poor in their poverty, and not helping yourself or them escape it. Subsidiarity restores the dignity of the individual as well as transforms the structures that support and encourage that miserable poverty.

I credit this process to Marvin Olasky who has described seven principles of effective compassion through this concept of subsidiarity. What he understands compassion to be is accompanying another in their struggle of poverty. The first and second step of the process are very important as the starting block but the next steps are interdependent and can switch order. The first step is affiliation. This means that people need to belong to something at a local level. This is the beginning of relationship between two persons. The key to discover deeper human need is through relationship. The next step is bonding. Once a relationship is established, depth needs to be added. This is a connection to people in a long lasting relationship. Persons become very open and honest and truly are beginning to love one another. The next step is categorization. Not everyone is in the same boat because they have the same need. We need to differentiate the causes or the reasons behind the needs and behind their poverty. Next is discernment. This means helping the person toward good and lasting change through proper decision making. The next step is employment. This is where they learn to support themselves. This involves reconnecting with family and friends and well as finding a support system like a job. The next step is freedom. The person starts making choices for themselves. They now have the support, skills, and discernment to conquer their poverty. The final step is God. This is where the Gospel is brought in and shared.

I think an example of this is a ministry established my friend Tony called Life on the Brick. LOB is a relational dinner held twice a week. Everyone is invited. The dinners are centered around the idea of people getting to know one another and building that relationship. After awhile the bond is formed and Tony is able to categorize ones needs. He then invites them to join the team through volunteering and begins the process of helping that person make good decisions while giving them responsibility to help the cause. Eventually through this process people have found freedom from things like drugs, poverty, and broken situations but, they have also found Christ.

So those are my thoughts on that. I feel like I could type forever on the topic. Please post comments and questions because I really would love to hear your thoughts but would also like to know how I'm wrong because currently I think this is seemingly perfect solution to interactions with poverty.

Losing Touch

I was sitting down for lunch after a few hours of dusty work with my housemate Brandon. Philly, his wife and another of my housemates, was making Sloppy Joe's for us. Our new housemate Cole joined us for lunch as well. While enjoying great conversation and delicious food, something caught my ear. The radio in the house was tuned to the Christian radio station and they were playing some songs that took me back to high school. The discussion at the table turned to how lame, simple, me-centered, or terrible the Christian music was.

Now, much later I'm still pondering thoughts about the memories this music brings. The early awesomeness of being a new Christian and truly feeling God, anxious for prayer, and the knowledge of God's word. These things were undeniably awesome and I truly grew. But over time things changed. I stopped listening to the cheesy Christian music. I was more attuned to the flaws that I perceived in worship songs, church leadership, organization, and myself. Since I've moved to Omaha I've really disconnected myself from the beginnings of my faith. This happened somewhat in college, but now I'm nearly free, if thats the right word. I don't know any stereotypical conservative evangelicals in Omaha. I think I'm removed from the world of popular Christianity. The Christianity that I've found seems to be much richer and with much less identity and more diversity. Now, I grew while immersed in conservative evangelicalism and would not be a Christian with out it. It provided a sturdy foundation, but I found some cracks.

So, I'm out of touch and disconnected from the community of popular Christianity and I've stumbled into more of a low-key community. I feel the same thing has happened with my relationship with God. The beginning, the newness, the awesomeness of becoming a Christian lasted for many years. I felt God's presence in this time. This has changed. I rarely ever feel God anymore. I'm hardly motivated to pray or delve into His word. I do, though, have an overwhelming drive to love my neighbors. Which has become so instinctive that I don't even think about it anymore. I don't feel God in it like I use to. And so I wonder what happened. Has God left me? Am I being tested through a drought? I've talked with some friends about this and this is what I surmise about our relationship with Christ. In the early part of the relationship, you can imagine it like newly dating lovebirds, everything is awesome, they want to spend every moment with one another, and they really want to get to know one another. This was my beginning relationship with Christ. Now, the relationship is kind of like a couple that has been married for 10 years. The love is still there but it is different. Not so passionate, but dull and strong. Rarely does the couple learn something new about one another, occasionally the flame with roar its head, and there is an unspoken love and understanding between them.

So, I ride out this wave or phase in my relationship with Christ. I want to say that I've transitioned to a new and radically different stage in my relationship with Christ. I've seen how I've changed and my faith is much different than it was. The first phase was characterized by tremendous growth. I think this next phase will be characterized by major pruning.